Sweets Ahoy!

We're now in the eye of the storm. In between the Christmas-Hanukkah week and New Year's, there's a little lull in the gluttony. We all try to return to our normal diets, but there's one little problem: we're awash in sweets.

They're everywhere. Here in Forkville we have peanut brittle, chocolate bark, cookies, a zucchini bread and then there's that tub of mint chocolate chip that's going quite rapidly. I've grown accustomed to having dessert after every meal. A small bowl of Honeycomb does quite nicely as an after-breakfast treat.

And there are more sweets to come: The Spoonstress and I are bringing dessert this weekend for a family celebration at Mama Spoon's house. I'll make my annual Angostura spice cake and the Spoonstress is hoping to make a candyscape on a canvas of chocolate. In addition, I'll try to recreate an old favorite from my time in England and New Zealand--caramel slices. These beauties have a chocolate coating above a caramel layer atop a cookie-like thingy.

I really had no idea how to make these until I got a fun New Zealand cookbook from Mama Spoon (thanks!). While I won't be making other Kiwi creations like ANZAC biscuits and Hokey Pokey, I hope to replicate my favo(u)rite caramel slices. Because most New Zealand sweets have less sugar than their American counterparts, it seems like a good time to try them. I'm due for that kind of dessert.

Gastronomic Gifts Outtakes

Before I look ahead to new ideas, let's take a look back at the some of the gift ideas that didn't quite make the Gastronomic Gifts column. Some weren't enough fun, some weren't even close to being useful.

Remember this commercial for Tootsie Pops? If not, here's a YouTube refresher for you young'uns. Anyway, to answer the eternal question--How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a Tootsie Pop?--the Tootsie people launched this lick counter. Useless? Absolutely. Fun?
(sorry, too busy licking to answer).

While your inner child may enjoy a lolly lick counter, your current child will benefit from Chopstick Kids. These silicone tots hold chopsticks in each foot, allowing children to master, or at least manage, eating with these utensils. While both useful and fun, they were out of stock at the stores nearby, so I didn't include them in the column. Not sure why they made the boy a unicorn, though.


Ben and Jerry, bored with creating puns of ice cream flavors, have invented the Euphori-Lock. This combination lock prevents ice cream interlopers from digging into your Neapolitan Dynamite, Caramel Sutra and the like.


Finally, for the grilling set, there's flavored skewers. This ain't a bad idea, but it seemed a bit off-season. Chapel Hill's Kitchenworks carries them and gave me a pack of the "Mexican Fiesta" variety, but I didn't have a chance to try them out. Not sure when the fiesta will be, but if this warm spell continues, I may have to have a Barbacoa de Navidad. This global warming stuff has a few perks.

OK, I'm spent. Go forth and gift. Happy Holidays!

Banana Guard Tested

Here, at long last, is the full Banana Guard test results. For those catching up, I assessed the effectiveness of this banana protection device as part of my previous column, Gastronomic Gifts.

The Spoonstress (my wife) and I devised a research plan. We tested the Banana Guard by subjecting the "protected" banana and an unguarded banana to the same traumas. We then compared them both to the unharmed "control" banana.

Below is a brief video on part of the experiment. You can also watch it at YouTube. Note: Some bananas were hurt in the filming of this experiment. Rest assured, they turned into a nice banana bread.



You can also view the full, first part of the experiment at YouTube. Notice, the fruit pops out of the Banana Guard. We took off points for that.

The full aftermath, i.e. results, can be seen in this video. The Banana Guard banana was fairly mushy, but remained intact. The unguarded banana was clearly in worse shape. It split open during testing and was completely gelatinous.



This photo at left illustrates the three bananas after testing. From left to right, they are: control, Banana Guard and unguarded.




Of course, then there was the matter of the control banana. It remained pristine until the conclusion of the study, when it experienced another kind of damage:

Gastronomic Gifts

Note: This column appeared in The Chapel Hill News and is reproduced here for blog readers because the newspaper does not maintain its links.

T’is the season for commerce. If you’re still reading, you probably haven’t finished your shopping. Perhaps you need a present for someone who enjoys cooking? More to the point, maybe you need a gift for someone who doesn’t.

With you folks in mind, I called on the Fork & Spoon elves. Alas, they didn’t come though this year. I then went to A Southern Season and Kitchenworks instead. When searching for gastronomic gifts, I sought items that were both fun and useful. The Pop Art Toaster, which singes designs on bread, didn’t pass the usefulness quotient. The Octodog, which transforms hot dogs into eight-legged octopus-like toys, flunked it.

I omitted items that were too specific or made for annual occasions. Local culinary crackerjack and Crook’s Corner Chef Bill Smith agreed with that logic. “I’m a little suspicious of these tools that just do one thing,” Smith said. “Somebody gave me a mango slicer not long ago. That’s all it does. Well, it also takes up room. I guess it’d be useful if your job was to peel and slice mangoes all day.”

Tell us more, Bill. “The weirdest one I ever saw was something you could put melted butter and milk in and squirt out cream,” Smith said. “Why not just go buy cream?”

Just like the saying goes: why buy the cow when you have a tool that makes cream from milk and butter. On that note, let’s get to some slightly more useful gifts.

The Banana Guard is what you buy for folks tired of getting to work or school with a squishy banana. What it lacks in technology — it’s a plastic shield that envelops the fruit — it makes up for in effectiveness. After some rigorous testing, I can say that the Banana Guard (only sold online at their site or at Wall Bike online ($7) excels at protecting a ‘nana in your knapsack. As far as dropping it off your roof or throwing it against a tree — I’d advise against that. But you should have seen the un “guarded” banana!

No word yet on whether Banana Guard will expand to apple protection. Until then, plastic sandwich shields are the next best food guards. I’ve had luck with plastic Wonder Bread sandwich protectors ($2.49). They’re found at most Food Lions, often in some unexpected aisle. I’d ask where they’re located at their customer service desk.

Moving from hard plastic to stretchy synthetics, the Sleek Stor collapsible silicone four-piece measuring cup set (A Southern Season, $22) is handy. While I can’t see the use of having a cup measure with 650 degree heat resistance, they do fold up quite neatly and save space.
The real winner in that category, though, is the Dexas Pop series silicone strainer (A Southern Season, $20). Unlike other silicone strainers that sort-of flatten, this vibrant red and white concoction shrinks to a near two dimensional appearance.

Trudeau’s Utensil Pot Clip (Kitchenworks, $7.95) is an unsung hero. It clips to the side of any pot and provides a home for the stirring spoon so it drips into the dish. This gadget may just obliterate the ceramics-dominated spoon rest market, but potters do have one sliver of hope — you can’t use it if you’re covering the pot.

Potholders are a traditional silicone stronghold. Nothing signifies that more than Orka’s whale-like oven mitt (Kitchenworks, $19.95 for the petite). While you can reach into boiling water unscathed in the Orka, wearing one is like having rubber rain boots on your hand. The neoprene Kitchen Grips (Kitchenworks, $15.95 small, $21.95 large), especially the more shapely Euro Design, allow for better control. Besides, what are you doing with your hand in boiling water?

Silicone ice cube trays provide a rich variety of gift options. The richest option is Cool Jewels (A Southern Season, $6.75), a tray which yields six cartoon-sized frozen diamonds. Giving new meaning to being “iced out,” these cubes keep your beverages classy.

On a more practical note, Progressive Ice Trays freeze cylinders that will slip inside most bottles of water (Kitchenworks, $5.95). Combining form and function, Orka’s Freeze & Press Tray and Server (Kitchenworks, $10.50) is the best. As the name suggests, you can pop out each cube by pushing its silicone bottom. It’s a little like the whack-a-mole game, minus the mallet.

Applying olive oil in my house usually causes a drippy aftermath. For that reason, I’m excited by two oil contraptions. The Sili Gourmet Oil Jar & Brush (A Southern Season, $22) is a glass jar with a silicone brush. The Portion Pro oil dropper (Kitchen Works, $10.95) is a plastic beaker and eye dropper with measurements on both. Deciding between the brush and dropper just depends on which verb you’d like to associate with olive oil: You paint on oil with the former and drip it on with the latter.

Paper or plastic? If you said plastic, you need a Grocery Grip (Kitchenworks, $4.95). This clever creation consolidates all those annoying plastic handles into one solid one. Unfortunately, it doesn’t help you get a grip on your life.

I’d not been aware that onion-induced tears required a solution, but I’ll give the makers of Onion Goggles (Kitchenworks, $20.95) credit — they’ve found one. These Oakley look-alikes form a seal around your eyes, protecting you from the evil, cut-onion vapor (Sorry to get all technical on you there.). While the invention works well, so do swimming goggles.

In case none of these gift ideas grab you, Crook’s Corner’s Smith has some more practical suggestions: a nice zester or a swivel-head peeler. Of course, those are a bit boring, which he admits. “I guess I’m a bit of a traditionalist,” Smith said. “I don’t have a television or a car either, so I might not be the one to ask. I’m a complete Luddite.”

Cheer up, Bill. Maybe we can find you a collapsible zester or a peeler made from silicone. Either way, you’ve always got that great mango slicer.

Extra! Extra!

The new column, Gastronomic Gifts, is out today in The Chapel Hill News. (They did a really neat job with this photo). Those of you poor souls that don't live in this area can read it here for free. How 'bout that inter web?!

In the upcoming days, I'll post the much anticipated full Banana Guard review. Also, I'm working on an outtake post for gifts that just missed making the column. I suppose some items that weren't even close would be fun, too.

Until then, happy shopping! If you buy any of these gastromic gifts, let me know how they're received.

Preliminary Banana Guard Results

As I mentioned earlier, my upcoming newspaper column will discuss food-related gifts. Here's an update on the the testing of one item.

The Spoonstress speaks:
(Note: In addition to being my wife, The Spoonstress is a clinical research associate in the Department of Psychiatry at UNC Chapel Hill.)

I am happy to report that the Banana Guard performed well yesterday on its first trial run. After a two-mile hike to work in my backpack, the banana remained completely trauma-free.

Several co-workers commented on the Guard and some wondered how it would really hold up in a more rigorous test. We determined there is a need for a controlled trial, which my colleagues and I are well prepared to design and implement.

We will have three groups: a banana subjected to trauma with no Guard; a banana subjected to the same trauma with Guard; a control banana, subjected to no trauma. We are submitting an application for funding and these things take time... Please check back on this blog for updates about results and publications (The American Journal of Produce Protection?).

P.S. I call dibbs on the control banana when it comes time to eat them!

Testing Underway

As I mentioned earlier, my upcoming newspaper column will discuss food-related gifts. Here's an update on the proceedings.

Thanks to the kind folks at Kitchenworks and A Southern Season (two fine, locally owned stores that also sell by the web) I'm now in possession of a slew of potential gifts. Now comes the fun part: testing them out.

If I had to summarize my testing in one word, I'd say..."Plastics." That's right, Ben (think The Graduate), silicone is everywhere again this year. In addition to the familiar pot holders, there's an assortment of ice cube trays, expanding cookware and egg poachers. On the egg front, the PoachPod is a particularly neat item. Just after Kitchenworks' affable owner Martha demonstrated this lily pad-like poacher to me, a customer snapped up the last one. That's just how hot these are, folks.

My favorite contraption so far is this neat collapsible strainer. It expands in segments, which is useful, and it's a real space saver. Wow, that sounded really dorky.

Moving along...there's the Banana Guard, which shelters bananas like an overprotective parent. While more testing is required, all indications are positive. There haven't been any Letterman-like twenty story drops, as a few readers have requested. I'm still planning that stunt, but I need to find a house that's not a ranch (like mine). But today the Spoonstress is giving it the all-day-in-your-backpack beating. If only I had the budget for a backpack cam. There's always next year...

The Eagle Has Landed

As I mentioned earlier, my next newspaper column will discuss food-related gifts. In an update on the topic, the first item arrived yesterday:

When the Spoonstress and I returned from a weekend in Spoonsville, the package was waiting. As I'd hoped, the good people at Aberrant Designs had sent me a Banana Guard for experimental purposes. The first night of Hanukkah had come really early.

With a completely straight face, I can say that it was bigger than I expected. But considering the variations in bananas' size and the inventor's claim that more than 90 percent fit, that makes sense.

The contraption is yellow. Actually, "mellow yellow," to be specific. Banana Guards come in five different "colours"--it's a Canadian company--and I told them to surprise me. While it may not be as photogenic when loaded with a banana, it's certainly appropriate.

The Banana Guard's plastic is also tougher than I'd imagined. I think this thing might just work. Now for the fun part--testing it out. Before I do that, I just need one thing--actual bananas. Stay tuned...

Happy Columndays

I know, I know. It's been a while since I wrote an actual column. It's partly because I've been having so much fun on the blog, partly because I've been working on other things and partly because November flew by.

While the 70 degree days may say otherwise, December is here. That means it's time to buy presents. And that means headaches.

In a nod to public service, I've begun working on a column discussing food-related gifts like these pickle tongs. OK, it might be less noble than fun. Let's just say I had a blast writing about the Banana Guard and it hasn't even arrived yet.

I have no idea what items I will include or what ground rules will apply (a ban on the ubiquitous silicone products?). I just know it won't be anything too intellectual. Please send along your suggestions in the form of comments. And oh yeah, Happy December!