Gastronomic Gifts

Note: This column appeared in The Chapel Hill News and is reproduced here for blog readers because the newspaper does not maintain its links.

T’is the season for commerce. If you’re still reading, you probably haven’t finished your shopping. Perhaps you need a present for someone who enjoys cooking? More to the point, maybe you need a gift for someone who doesn’t.

With you folks in mind, I called on the Fork & Spoon elves. Alas, they didn’t come though this year. I then went to A Southern Season and Kitchenworks instead. When searching for gastronomic gifts, I sought items that were both fun and useful. The Pop Art Toaster, which singes designs on bread, didn’t pass the usefulness quotient. The Octodog, which transforms hot dogs into eight-legged octopus-like toys, flunked it.

I omitted items that were too specific or made for annual occasions. Local culinary crackerjack and Crook’s Corner Chef Bill Smith agreed with that logic. “I’m a little suspicious of these tools that just do one thing,” Smith said. “Somebody gave me a mango slicer not long ago. That’s all it does. Well, it also takes up room. I guess it’d be useful if your job was to peel and slice mangoes all day.”

Tell us more, Bill. “The weirdest one I ever saw was something you could put melted butter and milk in and squirt out cream,” Smith said. “Why not just go buy cream?”

Just like the saying goes: why buy the cow when you have a tool that makes cream from milk and butter. On that note, let’s get to some slightly more useful gifts.

The Banana Guard is what you buy for folks tired of getting to work or school with a squishy banana. What it lacks in technology — it’s a plastic shield that envelops the fruit — it makes up for in effectiveness. After some rigorous testing, I can say that the Banana Guard (only sold online at their site or at Wall Bike online ($7) excels at protecting a ‘nana in your knapsack. As far as dropping it off your roof or throwing it against a tree — I’d advise against that. But you should have seen the un “guarded” banana!

No word yet on whether Banana Guard will expand to apple protection. Until then, plastic sandwich shields are the next best food guards. I’ve had luck with plastic Wonder Bread sandwich protectors ($2.49). They’re found at most Food Lions, often in some unexpected aisle. I’d ask where they’re located at their customer service desk.

Moving from hard plastic to stretchy synthetics, the Sleek Stor collapsible silicone four-piece measuring cup set (A Southern Season, $22) is handy. While I can’t see the use of having a cup measure with 650 degree heat resistance, they do fold up quite neatly and save space.
The real winner in that category, though, is the Dexas Pop series silicone strainer (A Southern Season, $20). Unlike other silicone strainers that sort-of flatten, this vibrant red and white concoction shrinks to a near two dimensional appearance.

Trudeau’s Utensil Pot Clip (Kitchenworks, $7.95) is an unsung hero. It clips to the side of any pot and provides a home for the stirring spoon so it drips into the dish. This gadget may just obliterate the ceramics-dominated spoon rest market, but potters do have one sliver of hope — you can’t use it if you’re covering the pot.

Potholders are a traditional silicone stronghold. Nothing signifies that more than Orka’s whale-like oven mitt (Kitchenworks, $19.95 for the petite). While you can reach into boiling water unscathed in the Orka, wearing one is like having rubber rain boots on your hand. The neoprene Kitchen Grips (Kitchenworks, $15.95 small, $21.95 large), especially the more shapely Euro Design, allow for better control. Besides, what are you doing with your hand in boiling water?

Silicone ice cube trays provide a rich variety of gift options. The richest option is Cool Jewels (A Southern Season, $6.75), a tray which yields six cartoon-sized frozen diamonds. Giving new meaning to being “iced out,” these cubes keep your beverages classy.

On a more practical note, Progressive Ice Trays freeze cylinders that will slip inside most bottles of water (Kitchenworks, $5.95). Combining form and function, Orka’s Freeze & Press Tray and Server (Kitchenworks, $10.50) is the best. As the name suggests, you can pop out each cube by pushing its silicone bottom. It’s a little like the whack-a-mole game, minus the mallet.

Applying olive oil in my house usually causes a drippy aftermath. For that reason, I’m excited by two oil contraptions. The Sili Gourmet Oil Jar & Brush (A Southern Season, $22) is a glass jar with a silicone brush. The Portion Pro oil dropper (Kitchen Works, $10.95) is a plastic beaker and eye dropper with measurements on both. Deciding between the brush and dropper just depends on which verb you’d like to associate with olive oil: You paint on oil with the former and drip it on with the latter.

Paper or plastic? If you said plastic, you need a Grocery Grip (Kitchenworks, $4.95). This clever creation consolidates all those annoying plastic handles into one solid one. Unfortunately, it doesn’t help you get a grip on your life.

I’d not been aware that onion-induced tears required a solution, but I’ll give the makers of Onion Goggles (Kitchenworks, $20.95) credit — they’ve found one. These Oakley look-alikes form a seal around your eyes, protecting you from the evil, cut-onion vapor (Sorry to get all technical on you there.). While the invention works well, so do swimming goggles.

In case none of these gift ideas grab you, Crook’s Corner’s Smith has some more practical suggestions: a nice zester or a swivel-head peeler. Of course, those are a bit boring, which he admits. “I guess I’m a bit of a traditionalist,” Smith said. “I don’t have a television or a car either, so I might not be the one to ask. I’m a complete Luddite.”

Cheer up, Bill. Maybe we can find you a collapsible zester or a peeler made from silicone. Either way, you’ve always got that great mango slicer.